Happy Monday all! Here’s to a new and fresh start to what’s sure to be a beautiful week! I’ve had so much on my mind lately and I thought I’d share in hopes that I’m not alone (please tell me I’m not alone!!). As a mama to an active little baby boy, a wife, and a business owner, my life feels like one big balance beam. I feel like I constantly struggle with decisions and my entire day consists of a never ending to do list. I find myself weighing options all day long like should I tidy up this apartment of ours during Emerson’s nap time or should I edit photos? Should I answer that laundry pile that screams at me every time I walk by it or should I answer emails? How could I cook for husband and blog all in one shot? When do I set aside quiet time with just the Lord to reflect on His word and pray? Let’s not discuss my workout routine, which consists of lifting Emerson and cobwebs around my sneakers. And then there’s fulfilling print orders, mailing photo packages to clients, and giving my all to growing this little business of mine. Gosh, and I so desperately want to spend time with people I love. Jesus and friendships and family should never feel neglected. Without them and most importantly, my faith, I’m utterly lost. (Sidenote: I feel like I should put a disclaimer out there that even though I’m on a soapbox, I know there are much bigger issues out there and please also know that I’m so grateful for it all.) The simple truth is, this working mom club is tough. I don’t know about you but trying to do it all has me all sorts of tripping on my face and feeling worse than before I even attempted–a never ending feeling of falling short. So bare with me folks, while I blog my little heart out over here. It’s the cheapest form of therapy I know and if you’d like, feel free to skip over and come back again soon for some real pretty weddings! :)
Adi and I have made a conscious decision that we want to invest in our child (children, hopefully someday) in the best way we know how. It was never my dream to stay home and raise a family. But since having Emerson, it’s become my dream… my longing. I want to do things like take him to the park, sing songs with him and dance on our living room floor, make fresh home cooked meals for him, I want to teach him things and read with him, I want to pray with him, I want to take him swimming, and I want to go on long walks together. With everything in us, we believe in family and we want nothing more than to see Emerson become a kind human being that loves and serves and gives. But all that time with him often leaves laundry piles and dishes in the sink and toys on the floor and photos left unedited. And we only have ONE child… I can’t imagine how much less time I’ll have with two or three… or four (someone get Adi a brown paper bag asap). Besides raising our family, there are our other goals; personal ones, professional ones, spiritual ones, the list goes on.
My photography business means so much to me. I want to take the gifts God gives me and nurture them, grow them, use them. I want to give back. I feel alive behind that camera and I wish I could accurately express what it does for me. I’m so aware of what a blessing it is to truly, passionately, and utterly love what you do for a living and I never want to take that for granted. I want to be able to give my business the time it so desperately deserves, while not taking away from my time with my little. Inevitably, this turns into really late nights, which aren’t so bad thanks to my awesome husband who won’t go to sleep without me (thanks for the company, babe!) and some really amazing honey mint tea.
It’s strange because even though I struggle, I can’t imagine another way. I have so much respect for women who have jobs outside of the home. I wish I could sit down with each one, hug them, interview them a la Ann Cury, and then give them a medal. Mamas with twins or triplets or more? NOBEL PRIZE. While there are many cons from working from home (dang you, laundry pile) there are that many more pros for me and my family. I feel honored and blessed to be Emerson’s mama and get to witness everything he does all day long. I feel privileged to have clients that trust me and invest in my vision. I feel lucky to have a husband that comes home and never complains about eating a sandwich or having to tidy up, and I feel especially fortunate to have my parents so close by and have so much help. But, yes, it’s hard… really hard sometimes. And if anyone has figured out a way to do it all, please share your secrets with me! I’m willing to pay a hefty price. ;) Until then, I am simply doing my very best. And in the end, I guess that’s all we can do and hope it’s enough. SOAPBOX CONCLUDED.
Hey, thanks for listening and following along friends! I wanted to end this with a photo of a bride that literally made my dreams come true. This wedding was unbelievable and I just CAN’T. BELIEVE. they picked me. Gosh I love, love.